One of the ways that people often assess their compatibility is by identifying their love language and then determining the love language of their significant other. Some people will strive to only date those who share the same love language. If you're already married and you've recently learned that you and your spouse have different love languages, this might concern you a little. Instead of panicking, consider booking some sessions with a marriage counselor. Having a different love language than your spouse can be challenging, but it doesn't have to jeopardize your marriage. Here's why you should see a marriage counselor in this situation.
Explaining How You Want To Receive Love
One of the challenges of having a different love language than your spouse is that you both want to receive love in different ways. If your love language is gifts, you might want your spouse to buy things for you on occasion. However, if his or her love language is physical touch, your spouse will show love to you through contact. A counseling session gives you the opportunity to explain how you want to receive love. When possible, you can even role-play this scenario to get your message across.
Understanding How Your Partner Wants To Be Loved
Of course, there's also the other side of the equation, which is you figuring out how to give love to your spouse. Your marriage counselor will give your spouse the opportunity to explain his or her love language, and you'll be able to ask some questions about how to best give love in this manner. For example, if your spouse's love language is gifts, you might be curious to know if he or she would rather get a small gift once a week or a larger, more-expensive gift less frequently. This is a question that you might not ask in everyday life, but that can come up in counseling.
Learning To Be Patient With Yourself
You might feel stressed about having a different love language than your partner and put a lot of stress on yourself to be perfect. Any good counselor knows that perfection isn't necessarily a realistic goal. Instead, you should simply work toward your desired outcome — in this case, giving your partner love in his or her preferred way — while being gentle on yourself. Expect your counselor to remind you that you don't need to change overnight and that you and your spouse should celebrate the steps forward that you make on this topic.
To learn more, contact a counselor like Lynda Spann, PHD.